The Marriage Endeavor
by HaleyMichelle18
Summary: Why had she feared marriage for so long? She was going to spend the rest of her life loving this man. Nothing would ever change that. Nothing. An angsty story I decided to try out. Much like real life, this fic isn't butterflies and sunshines all the time.
1. Chapter 1

**I know, I know. Another story! I couldn't help it. These ideas are driving me crazy. This is the short little prologue to my new multichapter story, not entirely sure how long yet. We'll see! **

**Warning in advance, it will be angst filled, not all puppies and rainbows, but never forget that I am a Lenny lover and I will always find a happy ending somehow.**

**Enjoy and leave me reviews, please!**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. The quote listed is by Barbara De Angelis.**

* * *

**November 18****th****, 2014**

"I love you, _Mrs_. Hofstadter."

She pulls her head back, keeping her arms in place around his neck. Her eyes meet his and her lips form a radiant smile, the butterflies coming to life in her stomach at his choice of words. "I love you, Mr. Hofstadter," she whispered back, leaning in close to give her husband a kiss.

The band continued to play, moving onto the next slow song. Her friends and family danced around the newlyweds in the middle of the ballroom, as Penny recalls the Preacher's words spoken during the ceremony, words that would forever be imprinted in her mind:

'_The real act of marriage takes place in the heart,_

_not in the ballroom or church or synagogue._

_It's a choice you make_

_not just on your wedding day,_

_but over and over again_

_and that choice is reflected_

_in the way you treat your husband or wife.'_

She feels Leonard hold on her waist tighten and he pulls her even closer. She hears the soft declaration of love whispered into her ear. Her heart swells with more love than she ever imagined possible. Why had she feared marriage for so long? She was going to spend the rest of her life loving this man. Whatever speed bump that met them along the way, they'd drive over it together. She strongly believed they would. Nothing would ever change that.

Nothing.

* * *

**October 29****th****, 2021**

She hears the ticking of the clock hanging from the wall near her. The noise sounds like a drum in the otherwise quiet room. The flash of lightening outside of her window illuminates the room for a second, long enough for Penny to be reminded of the vacant spot next to her in bed; the cold, bare spot she had been staring at for the past hour.

Groaning, she forces her eyes shut, begging the Heavens above to let her just fall asleep. She had work in the morning and it would do her no good to stumble in late, eyes bloodshot. She was still trying to prove herself there; prove that she was more than just a 35 year old woman, with an attractive face and big breasts. The past eight years had been spent trying to prove just that, advancing from just a community college to an actual university. The diploma had been framed and hung in the study down the hall, next to her husband's achievements as well.

Another strike of lightening followed closely by a booming clap of thunder caused her to jump, pulling the covers slightly higher. She prayed the noise wouldn't startle the sleeping infant in the next room. She _really_ didn't need a screaming nine month old awake right now.

Penny lifted her head as she suddenly heard the door creak open. She squinted into the darkness, her heart pounding harder. "Leonard?" she questioned, hopefully.

"It's me, mommy," a soft voice came from the doorway.

Penny sighed, relieved that the guest wasn't an intruder, but slightly disappointed that it wasn't her husband. "Oh, Aliyah. C'mere sweetie," she spoke into the darkness, reaching over to switch on the lamp sitting on the bedside table.

The room became lighter and Penny frowned at her five year old daughter standing in the doorway, a teddy bear squeezed tightly between her arms. Gesturing her over once more, Penny pulled the covers back, allowing her daughter to crawl in beside her. "Did the storm wake you up, honey?" The little girl nodded, her head moving to rest on her mother's chest. Penny reached up to adjust the black framed glasses attached to the teddy bear's face and did her best to ignore the familiar hoodie and jacket he was wearing as well.

Within minutes, she felt her daughter's breathing become softer. Trying her hardest not to wake Aliyah, her hand stretched out to turn the lamp back off, while only letting her eyes hover for a few seconds over the framed wedding picture next to it. It took her a little while longer than her child, but soon, she was asleep too.

* * *

What felt like only thirty minutes later, Penny's eyes sprung open again. In the black room, she noticed the shift of the blankets, noticed the sinking of the mattress. She didn't have to wonder who the mystery person was this time. She inhaled the all too familiar cologne, one she was certain she'd never mistake.

"Another long night at work?" she asked him, even though she knew the answer. He had sent her a text hours before, claiming he'd miss dinner again.

She vaguely heard a mumbled,' yeah' before he pulled Aliyah closer to him, holding the tiny body protectively, and, soon after, the room filled with the silence again as he drifted off to sleep.

Penny shut her eyes, sending another request to whoever might answer it; but this time, instead of asking for sleep, she prayed for an answer on how to save her marriage from crashing and burning to the ground.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Okay, maybe I shouldn't have stayed up until 2 am writing this last night when I have to work tonight, but I know I still wouldn't have gotten much sleep if I didn't! So here you go, chapter 2!**

**We learn a **_**little**_** bit about what's going on in this one, and the next chapter, I'll try to get the old gang in somewhere.**

**Enjoy!**

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Six a.m. came early the next morning. The sun rose and the alarm buzzed just like every other morning. On autopilot, Penny drug herself out of bed, fighting back a yawn. She took note of the empty bed, but this was a common occurrence. Her daughter, although she bore a striking resemblance to Penny, acted like her father in so many ways; always up at the crack of dawn, excelling in her Kindergarten classes, even enjoying a comic book from time to time. The only real exception was her daughter's love for shoes; _that_ she got from her mother.

The hardwood floor was cold against her bare feet as she padded down the hallway, peaking into the bedroom next to theirs. She opened the door and walked further into the room. Once she reached the espresso colored crib, she stared down at her son. She studied his sleeping form, his face scrunching up every few minutes from whatever kind of dream he was currently experiencing. While Aliyah was the perfect baby, hardly ever crying, sleeping through the night, they didn't get so lucky with this one. True, he did sleep in every morning, but if something was to wake him up suddenly, the crying would echo through the entire house. Even now, nine months later, Alex still enjoyed his sleep, just like his mother.

Glancing at the Thomas the Train clock on the dresser nearby, a present from Uncle Sheldon and Aunt Amy, Penny bit her lip, debating on waking him right that second. She still needed to get dressed and she really didn't want to listen to his moodiness just yet. She forced herself not to think about his teenage years she would have to endure one day. Turning on her heel and exiting the room, Penny shuddered. As much as she loved her little boy, his smile and his laugh made her entire day, she had a new found respect for her parents putting up with her all those years.

Entering the kitchen, she smiled at Aliyah sitting on two of her old college books at the dinner table in order to feel a tiny bit taller. She eyed Leonard sitting across from their daughter, both of them eating their morning cereal with soy milk and laughing as they made funny faces at one another. She noticed his damp hair indicating he had already showered and been up for a while. She also noticed the bags under his eyes from lack of sleep these days, though she decided not to bring that up.

She desperately wanted to join her family for breakfast, to just sit next to her husband and have a conversation; it seemed like ages since they had been able to do that. Unfortunately though, life had other ideas. She had to be at work in a little over an hour and had to drop the kids off at the baby sitter and school. Grabbing a granola bar from the cabinet, Penny left the kitchen to get ready for the day. She was thankful for the fact that Aliyah was already dressed, something she should tell Leonard she appreciated, but, instead of any words leaving her mouth, Penny simply kept walking.

* * *

Maneuvering her silver Equinox close to the curb, Penny glanced up at the small brick house that had become like a second home to both her and the kids. It all started five years ago, a few months after Aliyah had been born. Leonard had gone back to work already and Penny was preparing to head back into the classroom. The couple had needed a babysitter, but she had been extremely reluctant to trust just anyone; so many pedophiles these days. They weren't as fortunate enough to have family close by to watch their child, much like Howard and Bernadette did with their son, Samuel, and Howard's mother. So Penny had begun to interview potential nannies, most turning out to be complete duds, that was, until she met Doris.

Doris was an older lady in her early 60s who had raised six children, all of whom were moved out and off to college all across the United States by then. She had been a stay at home mom while her husband, Frank, worked as a professor at the high school a couple of blocks over, until he retired the previous year. Aliyah had loved the woman so much, Penny knew she had found the right one.

"Mom? Can I go say hi to Mrs. Doris?" Aliyah asked from the backseat as Penny put the car in park.

"Yeah, but let's make it quick. We gotta get you to school, little lady." Penny replied, climbing out of the driver's seat and opening the back door, gathering Alex in her arms and his diaper bag.

The car door had barely had time to slam shut before Aliyah was racing towards the front door and knocking. The door opened seconds later to reveal a heavier set lady with short, gray tinged hair. "Aliyah!" the woman greeted, as if she didn't see her every weekday.

Penny was just reaching the entry way when Aliyah threw her arms around the older lady. She smiled as she watched the exchange. With Aliyah's grandparents several hundred miles away, it was nice to have someone like Doris so close.

Once the two of them had separated, Doris stood, exchanging hellos with Penny and leading everyone into the house. A part of Penny was still slightly surprised to see the woman's house scattered with baby equipment each time she came over. Doris had bought her own crib, highchair, stroller, swing, and car seat to keep around the house, just so Penny wouldn't have to drag the stuff over every day and home every evening.

After a little small talk, Penny planted a quick kiss on her little boy's cheek, reminding him to be good, before handing him over to Doris. With one last goodbye from Penny and another hug from Aliyah, followed by Doris telling her she'd pick Aliyah up from school by three, the mother and daughter made their way back to the car and off to the elementary.

* * *

Strolling down the halls of Pasadena High School, Penny smoothed down her royal blue blouse and black pencil skirt. She navigated through the horde of students, the click of her heels on the tile floor blending in with the chatter of the teenagers around her, most crowding the hallway before the bell rang signaling class was ready to begin.

She ignored the catcalls she heard as she passed by a group of Senior class boys. Three months here and the same thing happened daily, yet Penny remained unphased by it. She knew showing them attention was what they wanted anyways.

Penny opened the door into the school's main office, flashing a polite smile at the secretary seated up front. She made her way to the back hallway, quickly reaching her own private office. She paused like she did every morning to admire the bronze plaque hanging from the door, the words "Penny Hofstadter, Counselor" across the front.

Just as she was twisting her key to unlock the door, Penny saw Jeanine, the other counselor up the hall, staring her way. From the moment she had been forced to train Penny, the middle aged woman had seemed to carry a dislike for her. Penny wasn't quite sure if it was out of jealousy of Penny's seemingly 'perfect' life and family or if she was just this way to everyone. She couldn't help but think that the unpleasant woman's pantsuits reminded her of Priya's from long ago, as did her personality.

Shoving the door open, Penny approached her desk chair and sat down. When Penny had graduated with a degree In psychology that past May, focusing on counseling, she had been unsure of where she really wanted to be, taking months to think it over, before it finally hit her; High school. While she wasn't completely up to date with all the information needed to help plan a student's schedule, she knew that was something that could be easily learned over time. The true reason behind her decision had been her own personal experiences in high school. She knew how to talk to teenagers; had been there, done that. She wanted to help prevent as many kids from making the same stupid mistakes she had.

Doris's husband, Frank, had been the one to alert her to the job and managed to put in a good word for her, having worked here for thirty plus years. The job was ideal for Penny. The hours were eight to four, with an hour long lunch at twelve. She also had all weekends off. Her schedule matched up with Leonard's perfectly, or, it _should have._

Sinking back into her chair, Penny frowned thinking of her problems at home. Being married to Leonard had been amazing; like she was living out one of her best dreams. They had purchased their first home together and started a wonderful family. Things had been great, up until the past six months.

Leonard had been invited on yet another Hawking expedition several months earlier, only being gone for a few weeks this time, thankfully. She didn't know if she could've made it through another four long months again, especially with a baby at home.

The results Leonard had discovered while gone were apparently mind blowing in the world of physics, which led to more experiments, more meetings, more late nights once her husband had returned home. Penny hadn't minded at first; she wanted nothing more than to support her man like he had supported her throughout school. Unfortunately, what started as 'just a few nights' turned into weeks which turned into months. Penny had spent many of her nights storing his already cold dinner in the fridge (she had bought a cook book years back), after a call or text informing her that he wouldn't be home anytime soon. The lonely nights, after she had fed, bathed, and tucked the kids into bed, had turned her bitter. They hadn't even had sex in four months!

Releasing a heavy sigh, Penny's eyes found the framed pictures decorating her desk. She briefly scanned the ones of her kids, before landing on the last one; her and Leonard taken last Christmas. Her frown deepened as she took in the happy smiles adorning both of their faces. What had happened to them?

A knock at her door jostled her from her thoughts. _Right, work._ Once the door swung open, a young boy, seventeen years old, walked in, a cocky smile lighting up his face. She saw the lower half of his tribal tattoo sneaking out from under the sleeve of his green polo, collar popped. Is that really what kids thought was stylish these days?

"Dean," Penny greeted, "we have to stop meeting like this."

Dean shook his head, flipping his blonde hair out of his eyes, "Listen, Penny-"

"Mrs. Hofstadter," Penny corrected.

The boy paused, a smirk still plastered across his adolescent face. "Right," he drew the word out, "Mrs. Hofstadter, I don't even know why I'm here!"

"You don't? Really?" Penny questioned, scoffing, "because campus police swear they caught you on the facility grounds last night and confiscated a total of," she paused, her eyes dropping to the piece of paper on her desk, scanning the printed words," eight bottles of beer."

"They weren't even open! I hadn't drink any!" Dean protested.

"That doesn't matter, Dean. You are a minor. You can't be in possession of alcohol." Leaning forward and resting her elbows on her desk, Penny made direct eye contact with the teenager, "Listen, I've only worked here for three months, _three months_, Dean, and since then, you've been in my office a total of _six_ times."

"Oh c'mon," Dean started, crossing his arms in front of his chest, "Weren't you ever young and wild?"

Penny chuckled. He didn't know the half of it. "Yes, I was. I was young and wild..and stupid. All I cared about was parties, cheerleading, and sex." She rolled her eyes when she noticed Dean's eyebrows raise at the word 'sex'.

"So why are you giving me such a hard time?" Dean asked the question Penny knew was coming.

"Because I don't want you to end up like I did. Sure, I'm at a good place in my life now, but it took me much longer than it should have to get here. If I had studied in school and actually cared, maybe I wouldn't have finally graduated college at 35 and I'd have this same job ten years earlier." She took a deep breath before continuing, "Do you want to be working at a minimum wage job for nearly ten years, waiting tables and listening to rude and arrogant people talk down about every move you make?"

Dean frowned, his arms dropping to rest on the arms of the chair. "No," he mumbled.

"Then please, promise me you'll at least start trying a little harder?"

When the boy nodded, Penny stood, letting him know the meeting was over. She had only been on her feet for a few seconds when the door opened and a man, dressed handsomely in a dark suit and matching tie, rushed in. A little out of breath, the man introduced himself, "I'm Dean's father, Jason." His hand reached out to shake her own. " Sorry I'm late. There was a problem in my daughter's elementary class, but I'm here now!"

"Oh, that's okay, I was just about to send Dean back to class," Penny explained, holding the door open.

Dean stood, leaning closer to his father and gesturing to Penny, "See, Dad, this is the one I was telling you about; the hot one."

"Get to class," his father ordered, sending him on his way.

Once Dean was gone, Penny faced the man still standing in her office. He scratched at the stubble on his chin, furrowing his brow, "I just don't know where we went wrong with him," Jason said.

"I'm keeping a close eye on him now," Penny reassured him, stepping past him and returning to her seat.

"Thank you!" he exclaimed, his relief obvious. He carefully reached out and picked up one of the pictures on her desk. Before Penny had time to protest, he spoke again, "Is this your daughter? She looks close to my daughter, Tiffany's, age."

"Oh, really?" Penny politely responded. She was really just wishing this man would leave, instead of trying to make small talk. She had way too much on her mind at the moment.

"Yeah. You know," the man wore a toothy grin and he looked back at her, setting the picture down in it's original spot, "We should arrange for a play date sometime."

Out of habit, Penny raised her left hand, wiggling her fingers, specifically her ring finger, "I'm married." Guys still did this frequently.

The man held both of his hands up in defense, "Woah, I'm just talking about a play date, for our daughters. I'm not asking you out on a _date _date." Penny's expression remained unconvinced and he continued, "Look, just think about it," his hand reached into the pocket of his blazer, "Here's my card, just call me if you change your mind, and thank you, once again for helping Dean."

With one last smile, the man was gone, shutting the door behind him. Penny stared down at the piece of paper on her desk. "Jason Michaels, attorney at law," she read the words aloud.

Grabbing the card, Penny intended to toss it in the waste bin beside her feet. She hesitated, her eyes focusing on the picture of Leonard and her from before; the smile he wore while staring into her eyes. She always loved his smile, the special one he reserved for her. Suddenly, his image was replaced with the man who had just walked out of her office and the smile he was sporting. Despite his denial, Penny had caught his eyes roaming over her body, taking in every curve. How long had it been since Leonard had stared at her that way? How long since he had smiled like the way he was in the picture, or gazed at her with such passion, undressing her with his eyes?

Closing her eyes, she tried to recall the last time and she slowly slipped the man's card into her skirt pocket.

* * *

**A/N: reviews please! I'm super nervous about how this story might be perceived, because it isn't 'fluff', but I'm extremely excited to be writing it. Btw, if 'fluff' is what you're looking for, go read my story, 'The Maternal Excitation', guaranteed to make you say 'Awhh'. Thanks for reading!**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Okay, definitely saw some of those reactions coming. I'm glad that I already have my outline for this story, because I would hate to lose any readers! Let me just put this out there: I hate cheating, more than anything. Being in a committed relationship now, if my significant other were to ever cheat, no matter how much I loved them, we could no longer make it work afterwards. Way too many trust issues come with that. That is the ultimate betrayal, and, if you remember from the show, Penny believes so as well. In that last paragraph, yes, Penny keeps the man's business card; yes, she notices his eyes on her, but, Leonard is still obviously on her mind. She does love him, and, while writing, I try my hardest to stay in character. I could definitely see this happening, seeing Penny doubting herself later on in life, even after she has what everyone thinks of as 'the perfect life'. Penny is full of insecurities and I feel like those just don't vanish randomly one day and are never to be seen again. But, Penny? Cheating? C'mon guys.**

**This story is not about cheating. This story is about the ups and downs that come with relationships, no matter how wonderful they seem from the outside (successful jobs, nice home, beautiful children). A relationship is hard, and, while I'm not married yet, I have come to understand that marriage is 10 times more work. Just like the quote in the first chapter says, a marriage is not just about the wedding; it's something you work at day in and day out, with your partner by your side. **

**With that being said, here's the next chapter. I'm glad someone mentioned Leonard's POV, because we will get to that in the following chapter. And I was mistaken when I said the old gang would be in this chapter, it's actually the next. Don't shoot me!**

**Oh, and I totally didn't even think of the girl 'Alex' from season 6 when naming their son in this story. I was meaning for it to be short for 'Alexander', you know like 'Alexander James Hofstadter'? Sounds cute right?**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

That night, Penny found herself in the kitchen. Cleaning up the mess on the bar space around her, she thought back over the past several hours since arriving home from work. The moment the door had been unlocked and swung open, she was met with the usual silence. She figured that was something she would have grown accustomed to over time, but her heart proved her wrong, still dropping every single time. Something she'd definitely never get used to? The hopeful look on her daughter's face as she anxiously waited on her mother to open the front door, then, once inside and met with an empty house, the way that hopeful expression changed quickly to one of disappointment. Just like her mother there; despite not seeing his car in the driveway, they both still never gave up hope until they ventured inside to see for themselves. Aliyah would quickly try to hide it though, shrugging off her pink Hello Kitty backpack and asking if she could help with dinner (something she _definitely_ did not get from her mother).

Penny did a good job of hiding the pain she felt too; from her kids, from her friends, from her coworkers. She had learned to fake a smile every time someone pointed out the pictures scattered around her office, portraits of, what seemed like, a happy family. She could genuinely smile through dinner that night with Aliyah and Alex, listening as the former told her of her day at school, while feeding the latter spoonfuls from his jar of pureed sweet potatoes (she had become a pro at multitasking since becoming a mother). Penny couldn't help wondering if Aliyah and her father discussed the same things at breakfast, trying to make up for the lost time with each dinner he missed.

Two hours later, after an intense game of peek-a-boo, Alex was resting quietly in his crib and, four hours later, after allowing her to say up a little later than usual to help her mother bake, Aliyah had been tucked into bed, her favorite story read to her; although Penny didn't read it quite like Leonard always had, with his animated voices and actions, she was learning and she could tell that Aliyah appreciated the effort.

Now, Penny stood in the kitchen, the silence around her reminding her of her missing husband. Staring into the stainless steel oven as she set the timer, she wondered why Leonard had wanted a house with such a huge kitchen if only to miss eating dinner with his family. She instantly felt bad as that bitter thought crossed her mind. Things weren't this way when they first moved in. Her eyes roamed over the rest of the room; from the simple, yet elegant white subway tile backsplash above the sink to the granite tile of the kitchen island. Leaning her elbows against the top of the island, she thought back over the excitement they had experienced purchasing this house. They had been married for five years; Aliyah then three and outgrowing the small two bedroom apartment. She smiled fondly at the memory of Leonard blindfolding her the whole car ride there, the way his hand gripped hers while leading her up the walkway, the rush of emotions that ran through her body as he removed the blindfold from her eyes and she jumped into his arms. She remembered the day they had moved in, Aliyah staying the night with Uncle Howard and Aunt Bernadette while they unpacked, but instead, they had other ideas and ended up making love in the bedroom, in the shower, the floor in front of the living room fireplace, and even the kitchen island she was currently leaning against. A chuckle escaped past her lips at them answering the door the next morning, hair wild and boxes still surrounding them.

The sound of the front door unlocking pulled her back to reality and her heart sped up as she waited. Soon, Leonard appeared in the kitchen doorway, his hands shoved in his front pockets, his eyes red. _Had he been crying?_

Penny glanced up at the clock. 10:26 pm. He hadn't been home this early in ages. "It's a little early for you to be home isn't it?" She didn't know why she couldn't just give him a simple 'hello'.

"Well, 'hello' to you, too," Leonard said, as if reading her mind. He walked closer to her, pulling out one of the bar stools and sitting down. "What are you doing? What do I smell?"

Glancing at the timer on the oven, Penny held back the sigh of relief that not too much time had passed while lost in her thoughts. She may have improved as a cook, but it wasn't uncommon for her to still lose track of time and burn food. "I'm baking some brownies," she replied, facing him again.

His eyebrows shot up, nearly reaching his hairline. While she was learning to be a better cook, baking had not been something she did often, usually just purchasing something premade for dessert from the market. "Baking or burning?"

She couldn't have stopped the laugh that filled the room even if she had tried. "_Baking,"_ she answered and sent a mock glare his way. She was met with an adorable smile as he chuckled at his own joke and her heart did a flip flop. It had been way too long since she had seen that smile.

"Brownies, huh? So I guess that means I can't have any?" he asked, the hint of his smile still lingering on his lips.

Her eyes lit up with excitement. "Actually, I am making lactose free brownies!" she explained, wearing a proud smile. She grabbed the carton of icing next to her and, bypassing her spoon, drug her finger across the inside, collecting some icing on her finger tip. She held her finger out for him. "Taste this!"

As his lips touched her finger, her entire body freeze. The butterflies, that she could have sworn died long ago, were alive and flying around in her stomach. She had to fight the moans of pleasure bubbling up inside of her from escaping. A feeling of satisfaction swelled inside her as she watched Leonard close his eyes just a second before her own followed. His lip moved delicately across her skin and images of his lips elsewhere on her body filled her mind. God, how she missed his touch.

Suddenly, his lips were gone and all she felt on her skin was the cool air. Her eyes fluttered open to find Leonard's staring back at her, a grin on his face. Her hand dropped to the counter as she watched him stand and walk around the island to stand next to her.

Once he was beside her, his hand landed on her hip. Her breath caught in her throat as his hand slid under the hem of her shirt, his fingers rubbing patterns just above her waistline, much like he would do as they lay in bed in the aftermath of their lovemaking. The warmth from his touch on her bare skin caused her eyes to widen slightly and her heart rate to multiply.

"So, what are you baking for?" he casually asked, his remaining hand gripping her other hip and pulling her closer.

Penny's hands rested on his chest, playing with the buttons on his long sleeve shirt. Oddly enough, she missed the nerdy shirts and colorful hoodies at times; the clothing brought a familiarity of better times with it that Penny desperately missed. She gazed up at him through her eyes lashes, "The school's having that PTA fundraiser in the morning, remember?" Just as her fingers were beginning to undo the top button of his shirt, she felt his grip on her loosen. "What? You did remember right? I asked you if you could come with me this Saturday and help with the kids?" Judging by the look on his face, she had her answer. Groaning, she tried to wiggle out of his grip, but his hands stayed in place. "Leonard," she whined, trying again.

"Listen, I forgot, I'm sorry!" he attempted to apologize and Penny's movements ceased, "I totally forgot and I promised the guys that we could hang out. They wanted to go paintballing and-"

"What the hell, Leonard!" Penny cut him off, pushing her hands harder against his chest and shoving him away. She felt a sliver of sympathy as his body collided with the kitchen island behind him. That feeling was soon replaced with anger once again as she walked a few feet away, giving herself some distance from him. She could never think properly with his hands on her body. "You finally have a weekend off for the first time in forever and, instead of spending it with your family, you want to run off with your friends?" She felt her voice rising, knew she should quieten down for the sake of her kids, but she found that easier said than done at the moment.

"I just had a weekend off and I spent it with you guys when we went to the carnival!" Leonard exclaimed, taking a step toward her.

She took one back. "No," she corrected, "You didn't _just_ have a weekend off, that was _four_ weeks ago."

A frown stretched across Leonard's face as he covered it with his hands, rubbing, "That was a month ago?"

Penny nodded, her heart breaking at the realization of just how long it'd been since they spent time together as a family. "Yes, it has been that long." She sighed, leaning back against the cabinet behind her, "That's all you do anymore is work. You've always got your nose stuck so far up Hawking's ass and his other smart guy friends that you seem to forget about your family waiting on you at home!"

Leonard's hands dropped and she saw the frown deepen, "I haven't forgotten about the three of you."

"Well stop acting like you have!" Penny screamed, wiping at her eyes quickly before the tears fell down her cheeks. "You know," she continued, "Howard still makes it home in time for dinner with his family nearly every night! So does Sheldon! What makes you so different?"

Leonard's hand slammed down on the counter, making her jump. His frustration was evident in his voice as he spoke, "Because Howard and Sheldon don't have to work their asses off like me to provide for their family!"

"Um, hello, Sheldon has a newborn baby at home with Amy! And Howard and Bernadette have kids just like us-" Penny pointed out before Leonard jumped back in.

"And Sheldon still lives in the same apartment that he's always lived in, not a big house like this, while Howard and Bernadette don't have to worry, because Bernadette is making tons of money at her job-"

"Oh, so my job isn't good enough to help provide for our family?" Penny asked, her voice cracking at the end. She begged herself to calm down, to listen to Leonard's side of the story, yet she couldn't stop. "I'm sorry my job isn't good enough for you. "

"I never said that, Penny. It's just that we have house payments and car payments. We have to pay Doris to babysit, we have to pay for Aliyah's piano lessons that she wanted to take so badly, we have college fees to pay off; the list goes on and on, so I'm sorry if I'm trying to bring home a little extra money by working more with my new colleagues. "

Penny scoffed, "You claim to care so much for us, yet, on your day off you make plans to go play paintball!"

Leonard threw his arms in the air, exasperated, "Maybe I wanted to be around someone who wasn't nagging or screaming at me all the time, which I really wish you'd stop doing!"

"Well I wish you'd drop dead!" Penny didn't mean the words. As soon as they had left her mouth, leaving an awful taste as they went, she regretted them. She felt foolish, felt childish, but now that they were said, she couldn't take them back.

Before Leonard had a chance to retort, a high pitched wail erupted from down the hallway. Their son was awake and obviously not happy about it. Penny took a step forward, fighting back the urge to bang her head against the wall, prepared to go check on Alex, when the timer from the oven sounded, signaling the brownies were done.

"I'll get him," Leonard assured her, turning and leaving the kitchen, his shoulders slumped in defeat.

Penny yanked open the oven door, retrieving the pan of brownies with oven mitt now covering her hand. Slamming them down on the counter, she waited as they cooled. Her mind replayed the argument that had just taken place over and over again in her mind, recalling the hurt in Leonard's eyes as he walked away. As she painted the icing over the top and cut them into squares, she bit down hard on her bottom lip, choking back her sobs and holding back anymore tears she had left.

Once finished in the kitchen, she slowly made her way down the hallway to the bedroom. She paused before reaching her destination as she saw a sliver of light from the room to her right. Peering in through the crack in the door, Penny saw Leonard sitting in the nursery chair in the corner of the room, Alex in his arms, his cries now silent, and Aliyah perched in his lap, her head buried in his shoulder. She took a second to admire the scene before her. Despite their problems, despite his schedule, the kids still thought of Leonard as the most amazing father;

She eventually tore her gaze from them and carried on and into the bedroom. As she climbed into the bed, she felt 23 years old again, instead of 35. She felt the old stubbornness that she had worked so hard to get rid of stepping forward again and she wondered if she had ever really grown up at all.

Penny never felt Leonard join her that night.

* * *

"We're doing so good!"

Penny watched as her five year old daughter took charge, somehow managing to sale all of the dessert she had made the night before. The little girl stood beside her in a white baker's hat and pink apron with the word 'Chef Cutie' embroided across the chest of it; both courtesy of Uncle Raj and her soon-to-be Aunt Selena. Besides the blonde hair that hung past her shoulders and the mesmerizing green eyes, she looked nothing like her mother at the moment. Penny giggled slightly when Aliyah sat down in the chair next to her, the apron rising to above her knees and she saw the pink Ugg boots her daughter was currently wearing; now she looked like Penny.

"Aliyah, Mommy is so proud! You sold all of them!" Penny beamed down at her.

Aliyah's face took on a mischievous grin as she slowly shook her hand and reached for the folded up napkin next to her. "Not all of them, Mommy," she paused, unwrapping the napkin and revealing three small lactose free brownies in her hand. "I saved us some," she whispered, glancing around to make sure no one else had heard.

Another set of giggles pushed past her lips and Penny accepted one of the brownies from Aliyah. Taking a bite, she was surprised at just how good they really were. _I really cooked these?_

She thanked Aliyah and the little girl smiled from ear to ear, "You're welcome Mommy. I saved Daddy one too."

Penny's thoughts quickly drifted back to that morning and the tension that had filled the room. She had woken that morning to find the bed empty. Walking into the kitchen, she found emptiness as well. It wasn't until she entered the living room did she find anyone. Leonard and Aliyah sat on the couch, cereal bowls in hand and cartoons on the tv. She noticed the blankets and pillow piled on the couch next to him and frowned.

After some awkward talking and Aliyah chattering away about the bake sale that day, they had decided Aliyah would attend the bake sale with Penny and Leonard would spend the day with Alex, who was still sleeping peacefully in his crib. Leonard hadn't offered to accompany them and Penny hadn't asked again, both of them hardly looking at the other, still sore from their argument the night before.

She felt the familiar pain in her heart as she kept up a front for the sake of her daughter's happiness, hoping she couldn't see through it. Aliyah, nor Alex, asked for this. It wasn't their fault Leonard and her were having problems. She wanted to talk through them, wanted to fix this so badly; yet, when that moment would present itself, Penny would put her old walls up again, could feel herself regressing back to her old self ten years before.

She watched for a second as one of her coworkers came up to talk to Aliyah, complimenting her on the attire she was dressed in. Aliyah smiled as she took it all in. Penny's eyes moved from the scene in front of her to her phone currently in her right hand, contacts open as she scrolled through the 'J's. Once she found his name, she typed out a message:

'_Hey, it's Penny. You busy?'_

* * *

It was a beautiful day outside. The late October weather bringing a slight breeze with it and leaves began to change their colors and fall to the ground below them. The park was bustling with kids running around, playing tag, jumping on the swings. The birds in the trees above them chirping and taking flight occasionally and a few dogs chased tennis balls and caught Frisbees in the distance. Everyone was enjoying their day at the park.

And here Penny sat with a stranger.

She wasn't quite sure what possessed her to call him, but once she did, her body had filled with guilt. Penny had shook her head after mulling it over, coming to the conclusion that she had nothing to feel bad about; all that they were doing was letting their daughters play.

"So, you're a lawyer?" Penny asked, raising the Styrofoam cup to her lips and sipping her steaming coffee.

The man next to her smiled as he told her in detail about the firm he worked for. His words began to fade as she stared at him, scrutinizing him from top to bottom. He couldn't have been much older than 40. She noticed a few gray hairs mixing in the brown ones and knew if she pointed it out, he'd probably drive to the salon that instance. He continued to ramble, something he'd been doing for the past hour, describing his first ex-wife (Dean's mother) and his most current ex-wife (Tiffany's mother) and how neither could handle the attention he got from women because of his profession. She discreetly rolled her eyes at his arrogance.

"So, what does your husband do?"

"He's a physicist." Her eyes met his when his laughter surrounded her. "What's so funny?"

"Nothing, nothing!" he assured her, all the while, still laughing, his eyes squinted slightly and his forehead scrunched up, "_Your _husband is a nerd? I just pictured you with someone like a doctor or an actor or" he paused, a disgusting grin forming, "or _a lawyer_."

"My husband is without a doubt the smartest and the sweetest man I have ever met. I don't need a doctor or an actor or," she paused, grinning back at him, "or a _lawyer."_

Penny furrowed her brow, her line of sight leaving him and focusing on her daughter up ahead. A frown appeared as she saw Aliyah leaning up against the pole next to the swings, kicking at the dirt beneath her shoe.

Just as she was about to stand to check on her, Penny felt a hand rest on her upper thigh.

"I can be sweet too."

She looked up into James eyes as his hand inched higher up. Suddenly all reasons for coming here, all the excuses she made, were out the window and she knew she could no longer do this. Her own hand quickly reached out, grabbing him by the ear. She ignored his scream, pulled him closer to her, and whispered in his ear, "If you don't take your hand off of me, I swear you'll never be able to use that thing between your legs again."

Instantly, his hand jerked back, as if burned. Penny released him, standing and yelling for Aliyah. It was definitely time to leave.

Once both her and Aliyah were safely in, Penny put the car in gear and left the park and that sorry excuse for a man behind her. She glanced in the rearview mirror at her daughter. "Did you have fun, sweetie?"

"Eh, not really. That Tiffany girl wasn't very nice," Aliyah said, her eyes staring at the window at the scenery passing her by.

Penny's heart broke into a thousand pieces. She had put her daughter through misery just so she could, what, have the attention of a man for a few minutes? She felt horrible and disgusted. She could feel the spot his hand had been resting burning through to her skin and her mind flashed back to the feeling of Leonard's hands on her, two completely different feelings.

Maybe this meeting with James was a test. She had been feeling like her younger self more and more as the days passed, and that scared her. Meeting James today had proved to her that she didn't want that back. Looking at him, all she saw was the endless list of losers she had dated before; Kurt, Mike, David Underhill. And closing her eyes now, all she saw was Leonard. All she wanted was Leonard.

She hated cheaters, always had, always would. She had been drawn to James, yes. She had been curious at first, yes. He had shown interest in her and she was feeling lonely, but she'd never resort to cheating. She loved Leonard way too much. They could scream and curse at each other for days on end and she would still feel this deep love for him. Even if, and her heart dropped to her stomach at the thought, they went their separate ways, she'd still love him until the day she died. She knew that, now more than ever.

Her phone 'dinged' making her jump in her seat. She frantically searched through her purse for the object, while keeping her eyes on the road and one hand on the wheel. Her driving skills had improved since becoming a mother.

Once she had the phone in her hand, she checked her messages. One from Leonard.

"_Bernadette said she'd watch the kids. We need to talk."_

* * *

Shutting the car door, Penny adjusted the purse on her shoulder as she slowly made her way up the walkway. She came to a stop right outside the door. She could feel her nerves running wild. Her stomach was beginning to twist and her palms grew moist.

When she had first read the text from Leonard, her heart had soared. Whether it was going to be a good or bad talk, he was still making time to talk. But now, standing outside her house, she began to panic, afraid of what her answer might be when she walked in. Would they fight? Would she throw up her defenses yet again? Would he walk away?

The tears burned in her eyes as she pictured him leaving; the thought of having to tell Aliyah made her almost crumble to the ground right there. With her kids in mind though, she stood a little bit taller. They deserved an answer no matter the outcome. They deserved to be happy and to not have to watch their parent's fight. She reached for the doorknob, taking a deep breath, and trying to prepare herself for what was awaiting her on the other side.

As the door swung open, she was met with darkness. She shut the door and hung her purse and coat up on the rack hanging from the wall. Her feet led her out of the entry way and into the living room while her mind was running a thousand miles an hour.

The living room was dark as well, with the exception of a few burning candles scattered around the room. Her attention was drawn to the man on the couch though; with his black rimmed glasses and green recycle t-shirt. _Here we go._

* * *

**A/N: I'm not exactly happy with how this turned out once my thoughts were put on paper. It seemed so much better in my head. Maybe I'm just having an off day, I don't know. Anyway, Leonard's view will be the next chapter. Please review!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Oh man, nearly two months later, here's another update. I won't even begin to list all of my excuses, I'll just say one thing: real life can be a bitch.**

**Anyway, I want to finish this and not leave this hanging again, so here is chapter four. I lied about having the rest of the gang in this. I changed my mind when I started this chapter. I think it would be better to just keep it Leonard/Penny. The italics are flashbacks of Leonard's.**

**I hope you all enjoy and it doesn't suck after so long away from writing again.**

* * *

"_I love you."_

_His heart leapt at hearing those three little words. No matter how many times he heard those words, whether they were spoken casually on their way out the door, whispered in the darkness of their bedroom while drifting off to sleep, or even yelled during one of their many heated arguments, his reaction was always the same. He would never grow tired of the feeling._

"_I love you, too, Penny," he whispered back, sinking deeper into his pillow, his hand reaching to grasp hers gently. Just hours earlier, Penny had surprised him after work, the apartment filled with lit candles and rose petals, and her down on one knee. _

She_ had proposed to _him_. Penny had proposed and he had said yes. _

_They were getting married._

_Running his thumb over her hand, he realized he needed to get her a ring, despite him not being the one who proposed. She still needed one and he would find her the absolute best, even if he had to sell his car to afford it._

_She deserved it._

* * *

Now, years later, Leonard sat in a room filled with burning candles for an entirely different reason. His heart was pounding against his chest for a completely different reason, his palms growing damper by the second. He could feel the pressure of his asthma inhaler in the front pocket of his light blue pants and released the breath of air he had been holding.

Her eyes avoided his as she hesitantly took a seat next to him on the couch; not too close, he noticed. He recalled the all the times before when she would plop down on the same couch beside him, their bodies glued together; remembered the ease with which she threw her legs over his or buried her head to nuzzle in the crook of his neck. On this couch. The same couch he had slept on the night before. The same couch where his daughter had knocked some sense into him without even realizing it.

* * *

_Setting the remote down on the coffee table after switching off the television, Leonard's eyes adjusted to the new darkness surrounding him. With it being just past two a.m., he decided it would be better for him to at least _try_ to get some sleep. Maybe tonight he wouldn't be haunted with beautiful memories from his past fading into nightmares of what his future was turning out to be. _

_He had just pulled the blanket tighter around his body when he heard the soft voice from the doorway. Reaching for his phone and shining the light, he saw his daughter standing there, a fluffy orange and white cat at her feet, both watching him intently, knowing he wasn't where he should be._

"_Aliyah, what are you doing awake at this hour?" he spoke softly, making sure to keep his voice low to avoid awakening his infant son a few rooms over. _

"_Me and Shrodinger couldn't sleep," she shrugged, walking over to the couch, the cat following closely behind. Leonard shook his head at the crazy family pet. He had been a present for Aliyah two years before as a tiny kitten and the bond had started instantly. The two were hardly seen without one another while at home. The cat slept wherever she did. _

_Leonard readjusted on the sofa, allowing room for Aliyah to climb up next to him. Once she was settled under the covers and the cat curled up at their feet, he wrapped his arms around his daughter and held her close. He waited for her to give him a better explanation for her current insomnia, but one never came. The room was once again filled with silence. _

_Leonard had assumed she had fallen back to sleep and had decided to close his own eyes when he heard her voice soft in his ear. _

"_I heard you and mommy arguing earlier. You know, before Alex woke up crying."_

_His whole body froze as his breath caught in his throat and words failed him. What did he say to that? How could they have not even thought about their young daughter sleeping down the hall while they were screaming at one another? Penny's words from before tore at his heart again. He hoped that among everything said, Aliyah had missed that one part. Hearing your mother tell your father to 'drop dead' was not something any child should endure. Leonard knew Penny had just been upset, in the heat of the moment, that her words didn't reflect how she actually felt, but the same couldn't be said for their six year old daughter._

"_Does mommy not like your new best friend?" she asked a few minutes later when Leonard had still not come up with a response._

"_My new friend?" he asked, his forehead scrunching up, racking his brain as to who she could be referring to. _

"_Yeah," she started, twisting in his arms slightly, "the man in the chair with wheels and the robot voice?"_

"_Professor Hawking?" Leonard questioned, still confused by her train of thought._

"_Yeah!" she exclaimed, before being hushed by her father, "You two hang out so much, does mommy not like him?" she continued, her voice quieter this time._

"_Stephen Hawking and I are not close friends. I've just been working alongside of him and a few other scientists for the past several months," he corrected her; an uneasy feeling stirring in his gut as he figured out what she was trying to say. His daughter was way too smart for her own good._

"_Well you two sure hang out a lot to not be best friends," she said matter-of-factly. "Do you like him more than us? More than mommy and me and Alex?"_

_Leonard could've slapped himself for allowing his daughter to ever believe this. "No, Aliyah," he reached for her hand under the covers and squeezed gently, "Nobody means more to me than the three of you. Nobody in the entire world."_

"_Not even Superman?" _

_A small chuckle escaped past his lips at her words. "Not even Superman," he assured her, "I promise."_

_His answer seemed to have been enough for her. He felt her nod and then scoot closer. Leonard brushed his lips across her forehead, listening to her breathing slow as sleep took over her. He held her just a bit tighter, cursing himself for the months before. This was about more than just himself and his wife. They had a family to take into consideration as well. _

_They needed to fix this. Somehow._

* * *

The reflection of a flame from a nearby candle bouncing off the ring on his wife's hand caught his attention. He took note of the way hers fingers fidgeted with the one and a half carat princess cut diamond ring. Memories of her flashing the ring to anyone who was around for weeks after giving it to her ran through his mind. He had definitely done well.

"Leonard?"

Her angelic voice caused his eyes to connect with hers. He searched her gaze for some form of the love they once shared, praying to see even the tiniest sliver of hope there. His thoughts drifted back to the night before; before the arguing. The intimate encountered they had shared in the kitchen, the smile that had graced her lips for a small moment, those things kept him sitting before her instead of throwing up his hands in defeat. His body craved those things; to see her smile daily again, to hear her laughter fill a room, to feel her hand slip into his as they walked down the aisle of their local supermarket. Those tiny things he missed the most and he honestly had no idea how he had gone without for so long now.

"I-I'm sorry," he spoke, feeling almost foolish at the pathetic choice of words.

Apparently his wife felt the same.

"You're sorry?" she repeated, the words falling from her tongue like she was referring to something disgusting. "Our marriage is on the verge of falling apart and all you have to say is 'I'm sorry'?"

"No, that's not all I have to-"

"Do you realize how awful the past half of this year has been? Do you realize how close I've come to just saying, 'screw it!'," her voice began to shake as she stood suddenly, turning her back on him and striding across the room away from him, "how damn close I came to cheating? Me! The person who hates cheating more than anything, actually thought about it!"

The pain that hit him that second was like no other pain. A pain worse than growing up with the mother he did, a pain worse than being shoved into a locker all through school, a pain even worse than what he had felt during his first breakup with Penny so long ago. This pain hit him like a freight train at full speed, straight into the left side of his chest.

"Did you?" he whispered, unsure if she could even hear him. His throat was suddenly extremely dry and scratching.

"Of course not!" She whipped around to face him again. At the sight of his expression, her voice calmed and her body slowly became less rigid. "Of course I didn't, Leonard. I never would. I just-I'm trying to show you just how bad things have gotten though."

"I know, okay," he snapped, "You think I don't know? You think I don't notice the distance growing between us each day, that I don't notice the tension filling up every room we're in together? It's not exactly a walk in the park for me either," he let out a long sigh, holding his head in his hands, "this is exactly what I was trying to prevent in the first place."

Less than a minute later, he felt the cushion next to him shift, felt the soft touch of her skin against his, bringing his hands away from his face. Her face was contorted in confusion, "What are you talking about?"

His hands fell to rest in his lap as he clamped his eyes shut, forcing the tears burning to stay inside. "I'm talking about working so much. All of these opportunities I continue to accept at work. Yeah, a part of me is excited that I'm finally getting the recognition I always hoped for, but the main reason I say yes to all of them, the main reason I stay so late at work to make sure a test is finished or the results are calculated correctly is for you guys."

"For us?"

He heard the skeptic tone of her voice and shook his head. "Yes. I figured, by doing these things, doing more for the university, trying to ensure that I had a better chance at receiving Tenure, bringing home more money, that I could keep the three of you happy longer."

"What do you mean keep us happy longer? Leonard," her hand grasped his chin and turned his face towards hers, "why would you spending more hours away from home keep us happy?"

His brow furrowed as he attempted to explain to her his reasoning behind his actions, "By bringing in more money, I could provide even more for you all. It would allow you to work and pay for a babysitter; would allow you to have girls nights out and go shopping. It would allow Aliyah to pursue music with her piano classes or, if she suddenly changed her mind and she wanted to try something different, such as violin or T-ball or soccer, she could. I wanted Alex to grow up with the same opportunities. I wanted the best for all of you. I wanted to make all of you as happy as I possibly could. I thought, by doing that, that I'd never risk losing any of you." As he finished talking, Leonard felt a few of his tears sliding down his cheeks, leaving wet trails behind them.

"Oh, Leonard."

His eyes found hers at the sound of his name rushing past her lips. He noticed the tears brimming her eyes as well.

"Leonard, we appreciate everything you have done for this family. I definitely appreciate you pushing me to continue with college and find my path in life. I appreciate everything you do for our children as well. You are a wonderful father."

"I'm not a great husband though," he muttered, ashamed.

"No, you're not. You're an amazing husband," At his raised eyebrows, she continued, cupping his cheek in her palm. He tried to focus his full attention on her words and not the feel of her body scooting closer to his. "You try so hard to give us everything, but the truth is, all we want is you. Yeah, I love the big house, the nice cars, the shopping sprees, but none of that would matter to me without you. I would give all that up just to keep you."

"Really?" he found himself scoffing, yet a small smile formed on his lips.

She smiled along with him, "Yeah, I know, hard to believe, right? But, I would, Leonard." She brought her free hand up to the other side of his face and rested her forehead against his. "I just want _you_. You and our kids."

"I want you, too," he parroted back, closing his eyes and enjoying her fingers tickling the back of his neck, "You are the most important person to me in the world. Even more than Superman."

At the sound of her laughter, he opened his eyes once again, his smile transforming into a grin.

"What?" she asked, utterly confused, but Leonard caught the sparkle in her eye.

"Just a conversation I had with _your_ daughter before," he responded, shaking his head a little and reaching a hand up to tuck a blonde lock behind her ear.

"Oh now she's _my_ daughter, huh? The little girl referencing superheroes is _my_ daughter?" she smiled and dropped her hands to take both of his.

Leonard simply nodded, staring at their intertwined fingers. He remained fixated on the glimmer of the diamond placed upon her left hand resting alongside her wedding band. He recalled the image of her in her white wedding dress. How had he been so lucky to end up with someone as incredible as the woman sitting before him?

"Leonard?"

"Hmm?"

"I love you more than I love shoes."

His lips met hers faster than a speeding bullet.

* * *

**Okay so, there is chapter four. Not much, I'm sorry. It's currently two in the morning here and I am finally becoming sleepy and my bed is calling my name. Sorry if there are any spelling errors or anything else. I am tired.**


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